As promised in yesterday’s post, Reimagine…
The 2nd creative project that I’ve been thinking about and reflecting on a lot within recent days is the project, 40 Days of Dating. It was created and carried out by two friends, Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman, who are both designers and wanted to answer the question, “What do you do when you’re tired of the prospect of dating?” Both recognized that dating in New York can be “tiresome and wearing” and over the years they discovered that they had opposite relationship problems. Finding themselves single at the same time, they decided to date for 40 days and document the process by answering the same set of questions every day and following an agreed upon set of rules. Why 40 days? As they explain, “It’s been said that it takes 40 days to change a bad habit. In an attempt to explore and hopefully overcome their fears and inadequacies, Tim and Jessica will go through the motions of a relationship for the next 40 days: the commitment, time, companionship, joys and frustrations. Can they help each other, or will they fall into their same habits? Will they damage their friendship? What if they fall in love?”
The project has been getting quite a bit of attention (in fact, check out this BBC video to hear them speak more about the project), as it is a topic that resonates not only with frustrated daters in NYC but anyone who has wondered about the process of dating and falling in love. It takes an everyday social activity and examines it at a very personal level. What is most fascinating to me is that you can see/read the way each individual interprets the same event – quite often, very differently. It brings up the question of whether relationships, especially the beginning of one, can be made or broken based on communication skills or the lack there of? Both participants appear to be more open in their writing each day then they are with each other. How much do we hold back and protect ourselves when we are in the process of opening up to another person (or project), and what might be lost by doing this?
Jessica has admitted that she is “a hopeless romantic, jumping into relationships too quickly, always looking to find ‘the one.’” While Timothy is “afraid of commitment, often dating many girls at once, and he’s losing sight of what a healthy relationship means.” Everyone can identify with one (or both) of these situations – and I don’t think they are gender specific either. In being able to find yourself in the project you are able to start examining your own tendencies in relationships, therefore allowing you to embody the project in a more active way. What would it be like to commit 40 days to anything that you might want to change? It might be your dating habits or it could be something completely different. And not only do it, but document your reflections each day along the way. It’s the combination of the “doing” and the documentation/reflection that might result in a true change.
I’m so impressed with the willingness of these two people to be open and share their experiences with a wider audience. The project pushes something that many-many people experience in NYC (and around the world) into the forefront and forces the viewers to ask some real questions of their own life, relationships and interactions with others. Additionally – I love that they have done it in a creative way that is playful yet honest. After all – what is the purpose of a relationship with someone else if we can’t be our playful, weird, original and crazy self? More generally – what is our life if we can’t be our true, authentic self? Perhaps we should all take 40 days to examine what might be keeping us from that…
Pictures & Video via 40 Days of Dating
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